To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Randomize
