well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
