Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
