My room smells like vodka and shame
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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