I cockslap morals
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Someone came in the potted fern
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
