My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
