After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
