awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
