Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
