if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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