I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
i think my cat just said my name.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
