I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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