i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
