I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
