My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
