Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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