she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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