so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
