At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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