You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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