I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
