It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
