I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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