Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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