some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
