i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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