just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
