Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
