I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
