I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
