Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
