sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You need a sexual gate keeper
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
