We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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