Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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