Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
