okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
