I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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