Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
