Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
