wakey wakey hands off snakey
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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