I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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