Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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