shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
