Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
