Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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