I was born with a shot glass in my hand
only if we run a train.
done.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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