Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
