girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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