Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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