My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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