did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
