You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
