My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
