Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
