There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
