twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
