but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
