i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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