dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
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