I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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